F My Nursehole- “The Writer’s Mind”

First off, yeah, dirty title. But go on Youtube and search for that (somehow on the second page of results). It’s been a secret keyword for all of The Guttersnipes videos ever since I’d posted the very first one. It’s also my first mention on the podcast Game Scoop! (here’s the story) in which I told my Knockin Boots tale that led to that phrase.

Ok, now onto the newest Writer’s Mind. On second thought, that title may have been a huuuge stretch.

This past week, I took nine days off from work in order to do four important things. First of all, my friends Kyle and Anna got married! Whoo! Also, EXCLUSIVE: here we shot our first bit of Guttersnipes video in quite some time!

Secondly, my brother, his girlfriend, and I headed back into home country, Northern Maine that is. My sister and her family were going to be there, so we thought it’d be the most opportune time to get the entire immediate family together again.

We had a blast. I loved spending time with everyone especially my brother-in-law, he’s one of the good ones.

The rest of the time off was spent working on an awesome video production called Greenlight Maine. It’s a Maine-centric version of Shark Tank.

And today, the last day of my vacation, I’m participating in a local Super Smash Bros. tournament. Hell… yeah.

Okay, this turned into “My Summer Vacation” by Jimmy Gagnon.

The Writer’s Mind segment begins here…

I have the worst timing visiting my Memere (grandmother) at her nursing home. The three of us were watching my niece and nephew and we had to visit the aformentioned matriarch of the Ouellette family. We arrived shortly before lunch began. Now before you get mad at how “obvious” lunch time is, people in Maine eat their meals very early. Breakfast at 5 am, Lunch at 11, and Supper at 4-5pm. Yeah. See our problem?

Anyway, we were hanging out with Memere as she awaited her meal, and this cute-ass CNA or Nurse, I’m not entirely sure, came by to say hi. Now I still stand by the fact that she was flirting. My nephew introduced my brother: “This is Uncle Travis, and don’t think about talking to him, he’s taken. By this lady right here.”

“But Uncle Jamie isn’t.”

“So I can talk to him?”

“Yup.”

“Perfect,” as she stared into my eyes.

Right?! We hang around a bit as my Memere gets her food. This girl continually comes back to talk to our table, even sitting directly next to me. We talk for a bit, and soon we have to leave. So I rip a piece of my Memere’s placemat and write down my name, number, and the fact that I’ll be in town for a few more days.

I go to say bye to her and say “it was nice meeting you.” “Are you coming back?”

“Yeah, tomorrow,” and with that I slip her the paper.

THE NEXT DAY–

I didn’t receive any call or text. C’est la vie. But when I went back to see my Memere…. I got there when she was playing bingo.

Fuck. Told you I had bad timing. So I was alone this time, and yes, I hung out with her the entire time she had bingo. Here’s where my mind wandered…

I began to wonder, why didn’t she call? What if I misread her “advances” and she told her co-workers how “desperate” I was? The tenants speak about me in French. Then she’d approach me,”Why would you think I liked you? I was just being nice because I like your grandmother!”

Now, I used to think like this as an actual thought process, until I realized that this is my creative side making up stories. Most of them are negative, but I see the fun in them now. Like a comedy of errors, or a British TV show. An awkward main character trudges through life desperate and alone all while fumbling through interactions. Classic.

Then I watched the people’s eyes. No, they didn’t even seem to care I was there, let alone gossip about me. I thought I played it off cool, anyway.

After the bingo game, I brought my Memere back to her room. On the way, I finally saw her. She said hi, acted as if nothing had happened, and walked past us.

Then later, as I’m readying to leave, she walks in, says bye to my Memere’s roommate and to my Memere and me, then leaves.

See, this is why I wrote “From 🙂 to 😉” because I cannot understand women.

Oh and side note, my poor Memere didn’t win one game of bingo that day.

Sorry Memere, I must be bad luck!


Continue on this journey of crazed daydreaming by following this blog and of course, my Twitter @GuyOnAWire

-Jamie

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