Nike Said It Best

I will forever regret the decision I made last night. If there was ever truth to the parallel universe theory, wherein with every individual’s decision, comes a split universe where the opposite reaction occurs, then this is proof positive of how life-changing that event could have been.

I attend every Doug Loves Movies podcast taping that I can. So far, since November, I’ve only missed two. Now, one of my life goals is to be a guest on this show to talk movies, and joke about whatever arises in conversation.

At this particular taping, the guests were specifically there to promote the upcoming release, Catfight. The panel included Sandra Oh, Anne Heche, and Onur Tukel, both stars and the director, respectively.

Onur and Doug once had an historic episode a few years back, during the Summer of Blood promotional tour (Onur’s other hit feature). Onur eventually left and the show went on.

But last night was different: This time two out of the three panelists decided to takeover the show and/or talk over Doug while he tried to host the program: Onur and Anne.

Eventually, the voices grew from strained calmness to screaming, and it was then that Doug said those magic words: Does anyone from the audience want to be a guest on the show?

One of my life dreams… presented itself to me like a gourmet lobster. All I had to do was to stand up and approach the stage (I was even inches away in the front row); but alas I froze, and I’ll tell you why.

I was immediately taken back to my youth in which my parents would yell at each other, often invoking our names (this time “the audience”), using the name drop for leverage in their quarrel. I felt helpless, and my anxiety was through the roof. I couldn’t move. It felt like my parents were divorcing all over again.

Nearly ten seconds later, a man in “the audience” finally stood up to the offer. But all I could think of was “choosing sides,” and inciting the rage from the failing side. They were so upset, that I truly felt that Onur would come back and shoot up the place. Of course, this is where my “Writer’s Mind” goes to unnaturally.

After the moment was over, and the two guests left, he asked a guy on Twitter whom he had picked to choose the name for The Last Man Stanton game, and he went onstage. Then, he asked for another (and I quickly raised my hand), but instead, Doug remembered the first guy who offered himself, and so he too went onstage.

I then recoiled at the anger I felt against myself yet again, as I was going to Tweet Doug for another name to play, and that first name could have very well been me.

I know that I’m hard on myself sometimes, but you have to understand the implications in which this guest spot could have fulfilled. I would have played some games (in this case Jason and Deb’s IMDb game [one of my favorites]), then I would have been ya know, on the show(!), and then I could have plugged our YouTube show, We Need Movies; our podcast, Not Quite Hollywood; and my blog in general. Who knows what that could have done?!

Well, I overthought about that too: views for YouTube and my blog, likes for the videos, subscribers for our podcast, exposure for My Cancer Story, and so much more. It’s tough to have an overactive imagination that plays out multiple scenarios, because there are so many of them rattling in my head during moments like these, but I often allow fear to prevent me from achieving such moments.

I’ve let fear lead the way for so long. I was shy as a kid, I hesitated to ask girls out, and then kicked myself for it later. And that’s exactly what this feels like; finding the perfect moment to ask a crush out, only to puss out at the last minute.

But fear doesn’t always hold me back. I did in fact move across the entire country to pursue my dreams here in L.A., but then again, I was in such a shock driving across country, that I didn’t react emotionally until Texas. I must have shut off the fear receptor to make it out here, and it is imperative that I do this again.

Fear has steered the ship for so long (“in the shadows”), that I forgot what it felt like when it took over me completely. Fear is something that you can control; it’s in your mind. I’ve been fighting it, saying yes to almost everything that challenges that emotion. I need to overcome this once and for all.

Who knows if I’ll ever have that kind of opportunity again? But next time, I will be ready, because the parallel universe Jamie is on Cloud 9 right about now, and that’s where I want to be. Just do it.

-Jamie (@GuyOnAWire)

Sometimes Jamie has passionate rants about parallel universes, and other times, he rambles about some old movie. For both (and more), subscribe to this blog.


 

New (and Recurring) Series in 2017

As my second year of writing on the blog comes to a close, I’m grateful to all of you out there who have supported me by reading the blog, commenting, and helping it grow from its meager beginnings, to a mildly more popular site. I shattered my old view count for 2015, I intend to once again double the views from the previous year; which will be an astonishing goal to reach. Here are my views in the year 2016:

screen-shot-2016-12-31-at-4-11-10-pm

 

Which Series Are Returning?

My Cancer Story

Of course, this crucial part of my life and its documentation will continue into 2017. I hope this will be the year that the first draft is complete so I can begin the rewrite and release it as an autobiographical novel. This is one of my main goals for the New Year. Continue reading

New (to me) Movies Watched in 2016

I know, I know, I get it; there was no #DLMChallenge this year, but in this whirlwind of 366 days, I’ve changed my life, did many exciting things, and am working towards my goals in life.

But… I managed to still squeeze some movies in. My goal for this year was a lofty 200 NEW to me Movies, but I only made it to 104.

Anyways, here’s the list (after some basic stats). Let me know what you’ve seen from it in the comments below (Top Ten Post coming soon)! Continue reading

The Creature Known As “Life”

Life is crazy.
I worked with someone recently on a short film, and somehow, her and her fiancé lived in the same small city that I called home for over ten years: Bangor, Maine. He worked at the very same hospital that I did for the better part of a decade, and I remember him. It’s insane to think about: he was working at the hospital during some of the most stressful moments in my life. I’d see him almost every day, and have probably nodded or said hi to him a dozen times. But there were times when I wasn’t the happy-go-lucky person I had been before and since. Those were some of my darkest days, and it is through those they say that you learn from the most.

Continue reading

Nostalgia is Funny

This morning (Sunday, Dec. 11), I awoke naturally; at 6 AM (PST) and decided to use this extra time to get a jumpstart on some writing. As I am also trying a new fasting technique that delays my first meal of the day by a few hours, I decided to also abstain from my usual immediate coffee consumption. So I sat there in a half-awake daze trying to focus on my thoughts.

But as the words stalled within my mind, I realized that I may not be able to write until I ate or showered (my usual methods to become alert, otherwise I’m notorious for falling back asleep), so I finished a movie that I had started the night before for my #52Pick-Up series, and at that precise moment, a wave of nostalgia crashed over me. I had a fond memory of me doing exactly this before, getting up early to watch a movie when I couldn’t sleep thirteen years ago in the hospital. Continue reading