Nike Said It Best

I will forever regret the decision I made last night. If there was ever truth to the parallel universe theory, wherein with every individual’s decision, comes a split universe where the opposite reaction occurs, then this is proof positive of how life-changing that event could have been.

I attend every Doug Loves Movies podcast taping that I can. So far, since November, I’ve only missed two. Now, one of my life goals is to be a guest on this show to talk movies, and joke about whatever arises in conversation.

At this particular taping, the guests were specifically there to promote the upcoming release, Catfight. The panel included Sandra Oh, Anne Heche, and Onur Tukel, both stars and the director, respectively.

Onur and Doug once had an historic episode a few years back, during the Summer of Blood promotional tour (Onur’s other hit feature). Onur eventually left and the show went on.

But last night was different: This time two out of the three panelists decided to takeover the show and/or talk over Doug while he tried to host the program: Onur and Anne.

Eventually, the voices grew from strained calmness to screaming, and it was then that Doug said those magic words: Does anyone from the audience want to be a guest on the show?

One of my life dreams… presented itself to me like a gourmet lobster. All I had to do was to stand up and approach the stage (I was even inches away in the front row); but alas I froze, and I’ll tell you why.

I was immediately taken back to my youth in which my parents would yell at each other, often invoking our names (this time “the audience”), using the name drop for leverage in their quarrel. I felt helpless, and my anxiety was through the roof. I couldn’t move. It felt like my parents were divorcing all over again.

Nearly ten seconds later, a man in “the audience” finally stood up to the offer. But all I could think of was “choosing sides,” and inciting the rage from the failing side. They were so upset, that I truly felt that Onur would come back and shoot up the place. Of course, this is where my “Writer’s Mind” goes to unnaturally.

After the moment was over, and the two guests left, he asked a guy on Twitter whom he had picked to choose the name for The Last Man Stanton game, and he went onstage. Then, he asked for another (and I quickly raised my hand), but instead, Doug remembered the first guy who offered himself, and so he too went onstage.

I then recoiled at the anger I felt against myself yet again, as I was going to Tweet Doug for another name to play, and that first name could have very well been me.

I know that I’m hard on myself sometimes, but you have to understand the implications in which this guest spot could have fulfilled. I would have played some games (in this case Jason and Deb’s IMDb game [one of my favorites]), then I would have been ya know, on the show(!), and then I could have plugged our YouTube show, We Need Movies; our podcast, Not Quite Hollywood; and my blog in general. Who knows what that could have done?!

Well, I overthought about that too: views for YouTube and my blog, likes for the videos, subscribers for our podcast, exposure for My Cancer Story, and so much more. It’s tough to have an overactive imagination that plays out multiple scenarios, because there are so many of them rattling in my head during moments like these, but I often allow fear to prevent me from achieving such moments.

I’ve let fear lead the way for so long. I was shy as a kid, I hesitated to ask girls out, and then kicked myself for it later. And that’s exactly what this feels like; finding the perfect moment to ask a crush out, only to puss out at the last minute.

But fear doesn’t always hold me back. I did in fact move across the entire country to pursue my dreams here in L.A., but then again, I was in such a shock driving across country, that I didn’t react emotionally until Texas. I must have shut off the fear receptor to make it out here, and it is imperative that I do this again.

Fear has steered the ship for so long (“in the shadows”), that I forgot what it felt like when it took over me completely. Fear is something that you can control; it’s in your mind. I’ve been fighting it, saying yes to almost everything that challenges that emotion. I need to overcome this once and for all.

Who knows if I’ll ever have that kind of opportunity again? But next time, I will be ready, because the parallel universe Jamie is on Cloud 9 right about now, and that’s where I want to be. Just do it.

-Jamie (@GuyOnAWire)

Sometimes Jamie has passionate rants about parallel universes, and other times, he rambles about some old movie. For both (and more), subscribe to this blog.


 

Nostalgia is Funny

This morning (Sunday, Dec. 11), I awoke naturally; at 6 AM (PST) and decided to use this extra time to get a jumpstart on some writing. As I am also trying a new fasting technique that delays my first meal of the day by a few hours, I decided to also abstain from my usual immediate coffee consumption. So I sat there in a half-awake daze trying to focus on my thoughts.

But as the words stalled within my mind, I realized that I may not be able to write until I ate or showered (my usual methods to become alert, otherwise I’m notorious for falling back asleep), so I finished a movie that I had started the night before for my #52Pick-Up series, and at that precise moment, a wave of nostalgia crashed over me. I had a fond memory of me doing exactly this before, getting up early to watch a movie when I couldn’t sleep thirteen years ago in the hospital. Continue reading

The Human Mind and its Powers

I’ve had this draft saved in my blog’s bowels for over a year now. Originally, it was called “My Physical Memory Lanes,” but it’s more than that now; this post is about the mind’s different abnormalities, or rather the ones which I’ve encountered. I’m going to touch upon three unique experiences that my mind had been privy to over the years, the most recent occurring a few nights ago. But first; the most common occurrence of the three:


1. Deja Vu

Have any of you ever experienced Deja Vu? The term literally translates to “Already Seen,” and happens to around seventy percent of the population at some point in their lives. It usually occurs for about thirty seconds, but can sometimes extend past that duration. Continue reading

The Digital Black Hole

It’s funny to watch yourself during a moment of absolute freedom; when I have a full day to write and be productive, and every time I research a word for a better synonym, or open my browser, instinctively (and immediately), I fall into a clickhole. I open Facebook, or YouTube, ever distancing myself from my main objective. It’s even worse when I actually need to examine one simple post from our content channels on Facebook, and rather than accomplishing that objective, I like post after post, scrolling down the infinite wall of personal expression.

Continue reading

“Storm of Ages: Nightmare” A Novel by Elizabeth Jalbert” -The Writer’s Mind Interview #1

How many fantasy book series can you count on your fingers? I bet you’d need a hand, literally, perhaps even two or three or more hands to account for myriad of prolific sagas of swords, sorcery, and science fiction.

From modern hits like Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, to the classic series’ such as The Lord of the Rings enjoying rejuvenated life, fantasy is bigger than ever.

But what’s better than all of these celebrated works of fiction is the excitement of what’s to come via the new generation of writers. In my new off-shoot of the series The Writer’s Mind, I’ve decided it would be best to ask other writer’s how their thought processes play out, what they daydream of, and what their hopes and aspirations are. Continue reading

“Stalker” -The Writer’s Mind

After helping a friend move recently in Holden, ME, I was tasked with giving a mutual friend a ride to his home in Eddington, ME. Nearly from the point of departure there was this car who had been following us.

Now, The Writer’s Mind always kicks in when people have been driving behind me for quite some time. I love playing this game, where if someone tails me for a bit, I like to imagine they’re chasing after me, and why. It makes driving fun. And this was no exception. Continue reading