You know, lately, if I wasn’t so busy writing blank pages, then it sure seems as though I wrote an awful lot about depression. Yet there are always two sides to a coin and when you flip one in the air, you’re bound to see the other side eventually. It may not look like it when the damned thing is spinning so fast, but the other side – the face side – is there at the ready; in a moment’s notice.
When I moved across the country I had no reservations about my decision.
But until then, I would spend many a night panicking on the front porch of an apartment that resembled a prison– like an inmate just dying to smell the sweet scent of fresh air.
I’d rub my back (after busting it over a small man’s dish machine in a thankless job) just so I could sleep at night.
And yet, for so long I allowed myself to bear this burden of self-doubt and conformity. My hearing diminished, my joints ached, and my heartburn grew with every ‘sleeping’ day.
Then, I finally had experienced enough strife and awoke from my slumber.
Since living in Los Angeles, I’ve been ripped away from my friends and family; I’ve suffered a great deal of doubt, and I’ve never been more broke in all of my life. But here I am, in the heart of it all, and the city’s energy has given me new motivation.
I no longer have heartburn– or any aching of the heart for that matter; I’m more close to my Maine connections than ever before, and while I still have heavy doubt, I now also carry weightless optimism for the first time in years. Things are looking up because I took charge; grabbed the reins of my life and spurred up.
No longer do I feel hopeless, only full of doubt in a busy place. The difference is astonishing and, while I may vent to the readers of the internet, I only hope to ignite that spark of inspiration within us all.
Now you must ask yourself, “What fears do I possess and what are the life goals of which they try to restrain?”
“How can I live for myself instead of in the shadow of them?”
Answer that and your own journey can begin.