Chapter 39: “Preparing for the Best”
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Mom recovered nicely from her surgery, and somehow, she was a fan of the food (maybe I’m still quite picky after all). February progressed without so much as a medical whimper, but with my past experiences, I was ready for the absolute worst. What was to befall me in my last weeks in Medical care; Crohn’s Disease? Chlamydia? A prolapsed anus?
…Maybe I should slow down on these guesses… Cannot afford to tempt fate at this junction.
Instead, I focused on what was to come after treatment. As much as I always knew I would come out of this relatively unscathed, I hadn’t thought of my future, post-treatment. I devoted so much of my own mental energy to healing, that the thought had rarely crossed my mind.
So while I was taking a much-needed respite from electronic stimulation, I simply sat and thought quietly. Most people plan out their Bucket List, but I needed to focus on the things that we all take for granted and just do. I needed to prepare for the best, and plan my “Life List.” The Bucket will come later after some of these essential items were crossed off.
I knew that I would have to figure out living situations when I returned up North, I mean I didn’t just move out of my parents’ houses only to return so soon after.
No, maybe I’d stay with the guys a few days. I mean the majority of my stuff was there, and I was still on the lease. But the thought of crashing on a sorely uncomfortable couch wasn’t the most appealing use of my neurons.
Maybe we could look for a bigger place, for the three of us.
I spoke to the guys, and they, in turn, talked to the landlords. We were under a year lease, but since I had my predicament, they let us back out of the lease.
That meant that… We could look for a house! I could not hide my giddiness, and as a result, some of the nurses were concerned by the sounds coming from my room.
Wow, this “adulting” thing is easy; now that’s settled, what else can I take care of today? College would undoubtedly return to my “Life List,” and so I took the time to worry about my admission reinstatement. Will they take me back? I couldn’t imagine that it would pose a problem, but I needed to be sure. I decided to give Lori (my former foster mother) a call. She was the one after all, that assisted me with the collegiate postponement in the first place. No one answered the phone (an unusual thing in such a busy house). That’s okay; I’ll call another day.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Dr. McGann was right. How much would the chemo affect my brain? Would I be able to keep up in my college classes; or still semi-effectively ruin people’s lives by selling them credit cards at MBNA? Okay, truth be told, that last part didn’t matter to me. I’m not a fan of selling credit cards (or ruining lives) at all.
And then there was my ultimate goal: to make movies. I would need to buy a video camera, and write something. I did dream an entire movie once in 8th grade, and I wrote that down to eventually make it one day. It’s a sci-fi, post-apocalyptic film, and I remember it being powerful, yet fun and action-packed.
But did I possess the needed smarts to succeed at such an occupation? I was a quick learner and smart (enough) before, but now, I was also poisoned for months on end.
I felt like I was graduating high school all over again. I mean, here I was, with my whole life ahead of me (hopefully), and I didn’t know if I could make it the way in which I needed.
The world was my oyster, but what if I just wanted some chicken? What if I wanted to do something that’s never been done before, but no one, including myself, knows what that is?
At the very least, I was happy to be alive, to field these crucial questions, and to sit back and appreciate my ability to do so. I was breathing, and nothing could take that away from me. Well… actually LOTS of things could, and it’s only a matter of time, but I have healthy lungs and lots of heart.
And weeks of treatment left…
This is an ongoing story of my personal battle with Cancer. My hope is that it helps others who are currently experiencing their own battles (whether it be for themselves or a loved one) or to help with early detection.
The way I’m doing it is terrifying for a writer. I’m writing a publically available first-draft outline for an eventual book, chapter by chapter in weekly form. The only reason I’m doing it this way is to get the story out as soon as possible for someone out there who needs a survivor to visit them during their own treatment. If you’re reading this and need someone to talk to, tweet at me and I’ll give you a call. No questions asked. This story is for you and I’ll help any way that I can.
Stay tuned, as I will be posting a new chapter every Monday until the story is complete.
And remember if you experience any Anemic symptoms– get checked for Leukemia as well.