Smashed into Oblivion: A Novella by Jamie Gagnon
“3 RD (Really Determined) Party Members”
Mario flipped backfirst with a THUD onto a crisp, vibrant plateau with myriad vegetation. Little woodland creatures scurried to get away by him. He sat up, rubbed his back, and assessed his location. Where am I? The Mushroom Kingdom? He got on one knee and brought himself to his feet.
A small flying machine zipped by behind a checkered pillar. Mario focused in to make out what it was. He saw a bald man riding it. With his two hands he made an amplifier and yells: Helloooooo? Sir?
The cart stopped on a dime. The pilot of the machine turned his head and looked over, revealing a nasty, jagged mustache. The man zoomed in a loop curve and lowered slowly in front of Mario.
“Who dares enter my Kingdom? ”
Mario placed his hand behind his neck, rubbing nervously. “Hello, sir. I was-a just wondering if you could tell me where I am exactly?”
Robotnik dove closer towards Mario and tilted the cart to look bigger. “And who are you? You’re not here to overthrow me, are you?!”
“No, It’s-a me, Mario Mario.”
The man’s mustache twitched inward, “Do you have a stutter problem or like a speech impediment or something?”
“A-no, why would say-a that?”
Surprised, the mean machine driver shook his hand. “No reason.”
“And who might you be?” Mario questioned.
“The name’s Robotnik, Dr. Robotnik.”
“Row-bot-nick, you say?”
Robotnik grunted and grabbed his controls tight. “Yes, what else would you call me? Just because I’m evil and a taaad overweight, does not mean that I don’t have no feelings!”
Robotnik quizzically counted out the grammatical missteps with his fingers.
“Okie dokie, I just–”
“I don’t even like eggs!, Robotnik interjected.
Mario held his hands up. “It’s-a ok. Noooo problem. Now, can you tell me where I might be?
Robotnik straightens out and smiles proud. “You’re in MY Kingdom, and we are currently in the Green Hill Zone. Now if you don’t mind, I have some terrorizing to do.”
“Uh, wait! One more question! Have you seen any a-a– [Mario realizes he might actually have speech issues] glowing doors around here?”
“Glowing doors, you say. Hmm, I do remember maybe one or two somewhere down in the canyon below us; I thought it was odd. Couldn’t get the one open though.”
“Below us you say?” Mario peered down the deep decline.
“What are you deaf now too? I gotta go, there are some trouble makers trying to overthrow me… I think. They did make some great food though. HA, jokes on them, I don’t even like sausage! Clearly, I’m not a breakfast person.”
Just then, a small, black sausage flew, slow motion style, in front of his face.
“Oh God, come here you beautiful delicacy! It’s Daddy’s cheat day!” Robotnik hungrily drove the cart in the sausage’s direction.
BEEP, BOOP. BEEP, BOOP. Beep. A small creature in broken movements waddled over to Mario who is in turn understandably confused. Then it turned to the former plumber. The creature was flat, yet somehow still alive.
“And what are-a you?
“Beep, BEEP, BUNNNGH,” the Creature replied.
“Maaaaaaario! Noooway! How’d ya survive?!, a boy hidden in the shadows queried.
Mario turned to the voice. A little boy with a lop-sided, blonde quaff and a striped shirt stepped out from the shadow and stood, arms on his hips.
“What-a do you mean?”
“It’s a long story; I’ll tell you when we’re safe.”
“Is… he?” Mario points to the 2D figure behind his hand.
“Is he ‘a good guy?’ Yeah, he is.”
“Well, I was gonna-a say sentient, but that’s good to know too.”
“Again, yes and his name is Mr. Game & Watch, but we need to leave, now!”
Mario continued to stand, utterly confused.
“Let’s go, Mario!”
“This is a lot to take in. Wa-wait, how do you know my-a name?”
Without answering, the boy turned his head and listened. “He’s coming back!”
Mario first watched Game & Watch and the young boy run away, then turned back to see why.
Robotnik crested over the plateau, chewing on the retrieved sausage. “Come back here!,” Robotnik yelled through chewing his food.
Okay, so an overweight Bowser rip-off, or a strange creature and a little boy? Uh, yeah. Mario decided for the latter and sprinted after them, eventually meeting their pace.
“Whoa you’re fast, Mario!,” quipped the boy.
“I’ve been through my fair share of running.”
The boy glanced at Mario’s gut as they ran. “Honestly, I couldn’t tell.”
Mario followed his eyes, and then frowned. “Hey-a, that’s not-a nice.” They skidded to a stop just as they reached a steep, bumpy hill, descending all the way into the caverns below.
“Robo-Nik said that the doors were down here somewhere,” Mario informed.
“You know about the doors too?!,” pondered Lucas.
“Well-a, yes. I know that’s what brought me here.”
The boy examined the deep cavern. “We need to get down there.”
Mario glanced back to Robotnik. “I have an i-dea.” Mario collected fire in his hand. The fireball doubled in size with each passing second. After a few seconds, Mario chucked the football-sized fireball towards Robotnik.
The boy nodded in understanding. He crunched down, shook his fists and summoned a ball of lightning from his head that followed the fire to the plump target.
Mario’s watched in horror as the ball of lightning exited the young boy’s body. He didn’t want to make a scene, so he nonchalantly turned back to the action.
Both energy forces struck Robotnik’s face at once, burning each zigzag of his disjointed mustache and knocking him off of his flying machine. “BAUUUUUUGH!” Robotnik landed with a THUD on the hard dirt ground. “Oof!”
Mario sprinted towards the car. He jumped, then once he landed immediately jumped again gaining height, and finally upon his next descent he jumped a third time, flipping in the air and into the car. “Whoo-hoo!”
Mario surveyed the controls in front of him. “It’s just’a like Koo-pa’s Clown Car!”
Mario confidently pushed both sticks forward. The cart shot towards the other two.
“Letsa Go!” The boy and Game & Watch hopped on. “The name’s Lucas, and it’s an honor to meet you, Mario.”
“BEEP,” added Game & Watch.
Lucas looked into Mario’s eyes. “Yes, now we need to find a door, quick!” Mario averted his gaze as the Dark Cloud returned.
“Mamma Miaaaa!” The other two also caught the cloud. “Oh, no G & W, it’s back.” The car started down the hill.
Robotnik got up and shook his head. “Hey, that’s my car! How will I get back to my house?!” Robotnik turned to an ominous hum. “Huh?”
The cloud swept over Robotnik’s body. “NOOOOOoooo….”
The hum was all the noise that was left.
The trio continued their descent down the hill. Mario’s overall pocket glowed brightly.
“Mario, what’s in your pocket?,” Lucas asked as he shielded his eyes from its light.
Mario pulled out the doorknob from before.
“You have a knob! Game & Watch, he has a knob!”
“BEEP Beep Enngh.”
“And what’s the big deal?”
“Knobs can find other doors! Quick, turn right!”
Mario pushed the controls to the right. The knob dimmed in return.
“No, left!” Mario followed the direction. The knob’s glow intensified greatly.
“It’s close!” Lucas glanced up from the knob and searched the mountainside. A small plateau etched inside the rock face housed the door. “There, Mario! There’s a door!”
“Okie dokie. Where will it a-go?” Mario accelerated towards the arch of freedom.
Lucas’ hair and Mario’s hat flapped in the wind as they rushed down the hill.
“No time to worry. We need it.”
“Has there ever been-a door that goes no-where?”
Lucas paused. “Not that I know of.”
Mario pulled back on the controls as they hovered face-face with the glowing red door.
The trio hopped off of the car and ran towards the door.
“When we get to the other side, we need to find someone,” Lucas informed.
“One of the most powerful characters in the universe: Kirby.”
Lucas put his hand on the knob. “WAIT!,” Mario shouted. He turned to see Mario thinking. “We should drive the car through. This could come in handy later!”
“Good thinking, Mario! Now hurry! ”
Mario hopped into the car and slowly eased it toward the door, the knob illuminating his overalls through the fabric.
Mr. Game and Watch acted as a guide by waving his flag with a “1” on it like a guy helping another to back up a pick-up truck: A little to the left, now straight!
M: I never understood why people in movies leave important tools around. It would make sense to me that you could use it for future–”
CRUNCH. The car wedged itself between the sides of the rocks. It was too big.
“Nope!” Lucas was eyeing the side of the cart. “Too wide.”
A droning hum pierced over the edge of the decline. It got louder.
Mario and Lucas jerked their gaze to the noise. Mr. Game & Watch’s head pops out from behind them.
“Oh well, at least we tried. It’sa Door time!” proclaimed Mario.
Mario stepped forward, and pushed up on the door. The Dark Cloud accelerated, almost as if it knew: This is my chance. Mustn’t let him get away again.
The entryway burst open suddenly like a jack-in-the-box pulling in the three heroes inelegantly. The Dark Cloud sped up in anger. It tore through the area where the door once was.
Then… a bright white landscape followed, resetting the decline to a flat plane. Dim and parallel red roads appeared as far as the eye could see.
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